“Welcome weenbags and tuna trenches” as Tesco Vee would say! Michigan punk legends, The Meatmen, brought their outrageous antics and offensive lyrics to a packed house for their Savage Sagas album release party.

This being their first album of new and original ‘hits’ in 19 years, the Men O’ Meat decided to premiere their latest offering to ‘Sugar-Daddy’ Lucifer himself in front of a hometown audience! Small’s was in for one hell of a ride!

The Meatmen have pushed the limits on every aspect of rock and roll since the dawn of Hardcore approximately 33 years ago.

From their humble punk rock beginnings in East Lansing in 1979, The Meatmen became a driving force in the Midwest hardcore scene (A scene which included Maumee, Battle Creek, Kalamazoo, Lansing, and Detroit). They would play alongside such bands as the Necros, Negative Approach, Violent Apathy, The Fix and Bored Youth in such clubs as The Freezer Theatre, Bookies Club 870, Club Doo Bee and the Graystone.

Lead singer Tesco Vee has been the only constant member during the Meatmen’s 33-year existence. The band went thru several lineup changes, moved out of Michigan and back into Michigan, and took a few hiatuses (in which Tesco recorded with Blight, released a solo album Dutch Hercules and played under the moniker Tesco Vee’s Hate Police).

Now, Tesco is back with a new group of crazed sicko’s; Danny Dirtbag (Bass, Vocals), Swarthy ‘Bun Length’ Franklin (Drums), and Hindu Kush (Guitar, Vocals). And they are ready to unleash Savage Sagas unto the unsuspecting world via Self Destructo Records.

Having been a few years since I had seen the Meatmen, I was really looking forward to this show. Plus, I was interested in hearing some of the new tunes. The line outside of Small’s was long and the venue quickly filled up, right to capacity. It was obvious that others felt the same way I did!

It was a night of punk rock music, debauchery, humor, and general craziness as the Meatmen took to the stage.

True to his history of outrageousness, Tesco came out wearing his black & white zebra striped ‘Dutch Hercules’ overalls with a red feather boa and devil horns. The drummer was dressed in a nun outfit while the bass player had on a red, white & blue coat along with a wig (resembling Rob Tyner).

“That’s right boys and girls, after 19 years we have a new album of meaty originals” stated Tesco, as the band played Dinosaur off the new album.

“I’ve been doing this shit for a long time, longer than some of you have been alive. After 35 years, one thing is still the same; We’re The Meatmen and You Suck!” Tesco shouted as they played the song with the same name.

The crowd went crazy! The pit was one huge menacing swirl of bodies slamming back n’ forth with people jumping in and out.

“Hi, my name is Tesco Vee. I am a 58-year-old man with a prostate the size of a donut. I look a lot like Al Bundy. I wear size 16 shoes. You know, G.G. Allin would not have performed in size 16 zebra stripped platform shoes!” stated Tesco.

“This next song is about three things I like. I don’t like skinny girls or young girls. It’s called Triple B. This one goes out to your mother”, stated Tesco as he sang “Big Butts, Bad Breath, Tuna Bush…” before ending with “That’s how I want to die, by a big set of floppy tits!”

Tesco told us a story about how he read an interview with Blag Dahlia of the Dwarves. In the interview, Blag said he heard We’re The Meatmen And You Suck and said he can do better than that. Tesco said this was the inspiration for The Dwarves Are The 2nd Greatest Band In The World, after the Meatmen!

“On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I jack off to the best of Stallone” as Tesco holds up a magazine with Sylvester Stallone on the cover. “Is that okay? Does that make me a homo?” Tesco stated as the band cut into Men, Meat and Fire.

“That is carnivorous rock n’ roll there!” shouted Danny Dirtbag. “That is a nice hat Tesco”, Danny said as Tesco put on a trucker cap with Peterbilt on the front. “Everyone looks better in a Peterbilt”, said Danny. Tesco commented on how that was the best line of the night and that it wasn’t even said by him, then the band went on to play Death Rig 9000.

Did I happen to mention that there was air guitar?!? Oh yes, Tesco played lots of air guitar! He even played air guitar on ‘Spamjavelin’, which is a large penis cutout that Tesco had strapped on to himself.

Danny told Tesco that maybe he shouldn’t be doing this anymore that he is getting old and might get hurt, as Tesco started into the song Shut Up And Suck.

At one point, Tesco told us “I stole that riff from Dee Snider’s Under The Blade!”

“You know we’re a hate rock band, right? Everyone says hate rock, like it’s a bad thing”, stated Tesco as the band played I’m Gonna Fuck You Up.

“When’s the last time you went to KFC and got fist fucked?”, stated Tesco. “It happens to me quite a bit. I must be going to the wrong KFC”, he said as the band went into Fast Food Fist Fuck.

Tesco put something on his head resembling that of a mitre (ceremonial head-dress of bishops in the Roman Catholic Church). He then wrapped a noose around his neck and stated, “This next song is about hanging a white guy who wears Prada shoes, or maybe that was the other guy?”, as the band played Pope On A Rope.

“I want Ernest Borgnine to sit on my face until I die” you could hear Tesco say as Danny replied, “Yeah, who wouldn’t?”

“G.G. was a sick motherfucker who you’d pay to see take a shit on stage, but boy was he fun! This goes out to you, G.G., wherever you are”, stated Tesco as the band played Rock N’ Roll Enema.

“We got a special thing. We got a special award tonight. We did a Kickstarter thing and Marcus Hoedeman gets this banner (quilt) with almost every Meatmen t-shirt on it” stated Tesco as he held up the quilt. Tesco further stated, “You know, Jay Navarro hates Kickstarter. If you take anything away from tonight’s show, it’s that Jay Navarro hates Kickstarter.”

Following the song Pissed Hot For Weed, Tesco stated, “I think I owe ZZ Top some royalties for that ending… shhhhhh, don’t tell!”

“Any Jeff Hanneman fans out there? He was one bad motherfucker! This next song is a little nod that goes beyond Slayer” stated Tesco as the band played Speed Kills (But It Sho Feels Good).

“How many of you guys like jerking off more than having sex with your girl? You know Danzig is into chicks with dicks, right? Nothing wrong with chicks with dicks. You get the best of both worlds”, Tesco said as the band played Orgy Of One.

The band kept the audience entertained by playing a slew of other ‘hits’ such as War Of The Superbikes, Crippled Children Suck, I Sin For A Living, I’ve Got A Problem, Tooling For Anus, and Mr. Tapeworm, to name a few.

This was one BIG crazy, twisted, demented punk rock party and the crowd ate it up! Other than Jay Navarro not liking Kickstarter, the other thing I took away from this show was that, They’re the Meatmen… and everyone else still sucks!

Our photographer, Chris Betea, was on hand to capture this sick and twisted evening on film. Here are his images from that night.

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Gang Green also played at Small’s that night. Check out the review and pics from their show.

Meatmen online:
tescovee.com
facebook.com/TheMeatmen
twitter.com/tescovee666

Upcoming 2014 Tour Dates:
May 23 Denver CO @ the Marquis Theatre
May 25 Las Vegas @ Country Saloon/Punk Rock Bowling
May 27 Phoenix AZ @ the Yucca Tap Room
May 29 San Diego CA @ Soda Bar w/Black Fag
May 30 Los Angeles CA @ Baldwin Park American Legion w/Black Fag
May 31 Long Beach CA @ Alex’s Bar w/Black Fag
Jun 1 Ventura CA The Garage w/Black Fag
Jun 2 Santa Cruz @ The Catalyst w/The Briefs and Night Birds
Jun 3 Sacramento CA @ The Press Club
Jun 4 Oakland CA @ Eli’s Mile High Club (21+)
Jun 5 Portland OR @ Branx w/SNFU
Jun 6 Seattle WA @ El Corazon w/ SNFU
Jun 7 Spokane WA @ The Hop
Jun 27 Chicago @ Reggies w/ Antiseen
Jun 28 St Louis TBA
Jul 26 Indianapolis Punks Dont Give A Fest Festiva
Aug 16 Richmond VA @ Hadad’s Lake / Gwar B-Q